Tuesday, January 03, 2012

{ Bittersweet}

{ source }
    So many thoughts and feelings kart wheeling around in my heart these days. I have been avoiding typing this post up for well over a week now and it makes me cringe and my eyes fill with tears, to type out the words, words that say that Grannie Annie is no longer in this world with us. It seems at times to be both unthinkable and impossible. And our grief is deep and yet tender as our memories of her are such sweet ones. Without her, all feels even less right with the world than it did before. Of course we are so glad for her, as my Annabelle said so sweetly the morning I told her that Granniebelle's was now in heaven with Jesus, " Mommy now there is one Annabelle here and one Annabelle in heaven and someday there will be two Annabelle's in heaven...and how happy it is for Granniebelle to get to be young again."

  Words feel inadequate right now. But if ever there was a memoir that deserves to be written and read
by many, it's hers.  Rachel calls it Grannie's "essence" and to capture that in words would be such a beautiful thing.  I can see here in my minds eye right now sitting in her little chair on Blue Jay Corner, sipping half cups of coffee and snacking on cheese and black licorice, with that sweet sparkle in her eye and something funny and encouraging and wise to say. She'd never let you go without a hug, a kiss and a " I love you honey." She had the gift of loving unconditionally. She was a life giving person. She choose joy. And found that joy in Jesus. She was a beautiful artist, and embodied so many of the qualities that I hope and pray I will over time grow and mature into. Thankfully from what I hear not everything always come naturally to her, which gives me hope. She was lovable in every way.  We even wrote a little book about it. 
And I dearly love what David's Mom said was one of the things she loved about her Mama, taken from the 90 Reasons We love you book: " I love the way you call life bittersweet, and while you acknowledge the bitter you chose to dwell on the sweet. "
It is my wish to pattern my life after her dear heart.
2011 most of all was a year to say both hello and goodbye to two who I hold in dearest places of my heart. And to marvel at the beautiful circle of life.  I am in awe of our faithful and good God, as I dance my way into this new year. But more about that later. It has to do with my New Years Resolution, and I am certain it's one Grannie Annie would be proud of.   


Fairlightday said...

I know words are inadequate to express the missing feeling of a person you love so dearly. I am sad to know that such a joyful soul has left our earth. One who did help the craziness seem just a little less so and who always made you feel loved, even if you had never met her in person. But, I'm ever so happy for her, knowing that she's in the ultimate place of joy and happiness. Knowing that she is young again and getting to dance with her sweetheart again, after so many years.
Bless you and David's hearts, and all the hearts of those who knew her and grieve for her, with peace and all the happy remembrances of hours spent with her. <3

Nikki said...

Everyone who knew Grannie Annie will miss her so much! Praying for all of you during this season of such raw grief.

And that photo is awesome--probably one of my favorite pictures ever!

Andrea said...

Thinking of you with the tenderest of thoughts in this time, praying as Fairlight so beautifully said, for 'peace and happy remembrances' to fill your hearts, and for comfort and solace in Jesus. xo

Lisa said...

Love and peace to your family, Chelle. You've spoken so often about the seismic waves she made in all of your lives and it's been so touching to read of her incredible, magnanimous spirit. So glad that this sweet, powerful woman will be celebrated and remembered, and will be praying for you as you ache for her presence.

Jenny said...

Oh no, Chelle...I just saw this! I'm so, so sorry. :(

You're right--it IS bittersweet...wanting her to be with Jesus, but then wanting her to be with you, too.

Jerico said...

Oh Chelle! I missed this post =( ...I was wondering how she was doing and finally asked Mum if she had heard any news... She also told me that a memorial service was held this weekend for Grannie Annie.
...I know no words can really make a difference but I want to tell you we know a bit of what you're all going through/have. Seth's grandpa's memorial service was this past weekend, and it was such a sorrowful AND joyful time as we miss him so much but are so happy he is with Jesus and free from this earthly pain and cares and woes.
I only got to be around Grannie Annie a few times but I will never forget her sweet spirit and joyful smile!! May we all grow to be so much like her!
MUCH LOVE TO YOU and the WHOLE FAMILY!!!! Sending hugs, Carrie Jo~