Tuesday, October 31, 2023
Posted by Chelle at 4:03 PM
Friday, March 11, 2022
I don't know where to start and I don't know what to say.
I just read this poem by Mary Oliver and I am feeling every word of it to my core.
" I tell you this
to break your heart
by which I mean only
that it break open
and never close again
to the rest of the world. "
I feel the overwhelming magnitude of what I need to process after years of neglecting the practice of writing down words. Writing was something so near and dear to my heart since I was a girl.
Random, disconnected thoughts swirl and blur across my mind, such as there is nothing more beautiful or rewarding than joining God where He is at work, because our good God is always working for the good. Thoughts of how proud I am of my kids. For boldly and unapologetically being who God has made them to be in our home. And for all the ways I want to learn how to the kind of Mom who points them to Jesus with my words and actions and love but never tries to take the place of Jesus in their lives. Thoughts of how undeserving I am of the husband I have been given and his patience and acceptance of who I am and in letting me have a voice in our marriage and family over the years ( that's not the culture we were raised in ). Thoughts of all the ways my family and the world at large is aching and groaning under the weight of shame and guilt for things unspoken for too many years, and for the fall-out and trauma caused by the consequences of bitterness and control in small and large ways across, not just individually but across all of time and space.
Thoughts of how Jesus always comes with healing in His hands, how by grace, He longs to erase the spiritual effects and consequences of all of that. To love us intimately, to win our hearts, and to walk with us in and through the questions and mystery of all the wilderness seasons. Through a lifetime of hurt and pain and suffering, the world over.
I want to make the time to go back and write my story down. A love story so beautiful but one that I feel I only know so little of. As a little girl I think I could have seen Jesus through a very different lens than I did but I somehow mercifully, I was able to see Him for who he really is, full of grace and truth and beauty that makes me feel this grace and forgiveness and freedom should all be too good to be true. From a very young age until this day, I still believe in the Jesus who loves me because the Bible tells me so. Of course I have veered off course and gotten stuck in my sin and pride and independence but I believe my faith wavered over the years mostly when I felt I needed to perform and prove my love, instead of living from a place of belovedness. Which leads my heart to ask: How do I love well? How do I treasure Jesus? By loving and treasuring others well. But I don't have what it takes to do that. Exactly. Always. But easier said than done. My daily, moment by moment dependance on Jesus is where it's all for me and acceptance that in my weakness, because of the power of the Holy Spirit I am strong. To embrace the upside-downiness of it all.
Life > Death
Light > Darkness
Healing > Brokenness
Mercy > Judgement
Forgiveness > my sin
Hope > Despair
Beauty > Ashes
Praise > Mourning
Freedom > all my shame
Love > Fear
Peace > Chaos
Humility > Pride
His joy, my strength. As C.S. Lewis put it, " Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done. "
Which I have very much found that to be quite true in my forty years of living.
Break my heart open ever wider and deeper, dear Lord.
Posted by Chelle at 5:13 PM
Monday, February 21, 2022
Posted by Chelle at 5:14 PM
(makes 8 scones, bake at 400 )
- 2 cups Cup 4 Cup multipurpose flower
- 1/4 cup granulated sugar
- 1 tsp. baking powder
- 1/2 tsp. baking soda
zest of one orange
- 2/3 cup of dried cranberries
- 6 tbls. cold salted butter
- 1/2 cup of sour cream
- 1/4 cup whipping cream ( plus more for brushing the top)
- 1 large egg
- 1 tsp. vanilla
- 2 tbls. turbanado sugar ( for sprinkling on the top, optional )
Orange Glaze -
- 3/4 cup confectioners sugar
- 1-3 tbls. fresh orange juice
- 1 tsp. orange zest
1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper
2. Whisk together dry ingredients and then stir in orange zest.
3. Grate the cold butter into the dry ingredeint + stir until the butter is evenly distributed.
4. Stir in dried cranberries and place bowl in freezer while you stir together the wet ingredients.
5. Mix wet ingredients into dry until it comes into a ball. Try to handle the dough as little as possible so that the butter stays cold.
6. Turn the dough onto the prepared baking sheet. Form the dough into a circle, 8 inches wide and 1 inch high. Using a a sharp knife or pizza cutter, cut the dough into 8 wedges, leaving them 2 inches apart on baking sheet.
7. ( optional ) brush top with whipping cream and turbanado sugar.
8. Bake in hot oven for 17-19 minutes or until nicely browned.
9. Remove from oven and allow to sit for a couple minutes before transferring to a cooling rack. Drizzle with orange glaze and serve.
Personal note: Not all gluten free flours are created equal. So for this specific recipe I strongly recommend you using The Cup 4 Cup multipurpose flour blend for the best results.
Posted by Chelle at 12:11 PM
Tuesday, May 07, 2019
My nearly two year old shouts “ were HOoooME!!!! “ Every time we turn on the road that’s a few blocks from our house. And it always makes me smile.
Home is so much more about the people for me than the place.
Because I have called so many houses home over the
Our home tells our story
That became their faces and their smiles.
Home is Lucy Wren’s tight hugs and constant I love you’s.
Home is every freckle on Ruby’s face and her contagious giggle too.
Home is Willa’s requests to snuggle you, hold you, rock you.
Home is where I rest, cry, heal
Home is dancing and laughing in a dirty kitchen
Home is wiping up spills and bottoms and breaking up fights
Home is " I am sorry, I forgive you's"
Home is where I plant daffodils and the depths of my soul
My home is my canvas
My life’s best work of art
Home is an open-armed welcome to come and be nurtured.
To come and be nourished.
To be seen and heard and known,
And to belong.
Home is making eye contact with Jesus
Home is now and home is not yet
By faith first
And then one day, by sight
Home is where " it is well with my soul"
" I was lost but now am found "
desperate and alone until my heart found it’s forever home in you Jesus.
Posted by Chelle at 10:14 AM
Wednesday, March 27, 2019
Posted by Chelle at 10:33 PM
Monday, April 30, 2018
I watched a movie the other night called Noble ( A Dream can Change A Million Lives ).
The grief and the beauty tangled together in this story of redemption moved me in a profound way and left me overcome with emotion. It is based on the true story of a Irish woman named Christina Nobel who bravely and with great compassion overcame unspeakable trauma and devastation. Born in Ireland in the mid forties Christina's childhood looked like year after year of poverty, grief , abandonment, abuse and incredible loss . Brokenness and pain that followed her into her adult years. One thing I really love about her story is her honest conversations with God, through every low, heartbreaking moment. It was during a especially low point in her life around 1971 that she had a dream about Vietnam:
"I don't know why I dreamed about Vietnam, perhaps it was because the country was so much in the news at the time. In the dream, naked Vietnamese children were running down a dirt road fleeing from a napalm bombing. The ground under the children was cracked and coming apart and the children were reaching to me. One of the girls had a look in her eyes that implored me to pick her up and protect her and take her to safety. Above the escaping children was a brilliant white light that contained the word 'Vietnam'."
This was a dream which she would one day triumphantly fulfil, albeit 20 years later. In 1989, with the goal to assist children in need, Christina arrived in Vietnam.
Against all odds, Christina set up the Foundation in Ho Chi Minh City where the number of programmes has grown considerably across Vietnam. In 1997, Christina expanded the Foundation's operations into Mongolia but she still remains the principal driving force and inspiration and retains close personal contact with the children.
Christina Noble had a dream that was to transform not just her own life, but that of the lives of 700,000 children (and counting).
Taken from her website: Christina Noble Children's Foundation
As the finishing credits rolled I was sobbing uncontrollably. I sat in the darkness, grief settled over my spirit like a blanket as I thought of my precious four sleeping safe and sound in their beds in such contrast to the numberless, unseen children of the world who go to sleep every night without a father and or a mother, who go to bed with hunger pains, starving for food and worse still, starving for love. Grief for the voiceless children of the world who dread the unspeakable evil that comes as bedtime and all the coming hours hold to bruise their body and soul. My shoulders shook under the weight of this grief that defies definition and God's Father heart. The words to an old beloved Hillsong chorus rose in my heart: " Break my heart for what breaks yours, Everything I am for your Kingdom's cause, As I walk from earth into eternity. " Tell me, what is it that you want me to do?" I cried, without a sound into the darkness.
No answer came.
Posted by Chelle at 6:43 AM
Monday, February 01, 2016
My heart surged with conviction tonight in church as we read: " This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this; to lay down one's life for one's friends. " I copied down these notes from the sermon: " Love is the essence of what and who Jesus has called us to be. The measure of maturity is how well you love.
Posted by Chelle at 1:00 AM