Thursday, August 23, 2012

{ on holding your breath }

  This past week David had to work out of town again. And as the contractions have already started up on a regular and daily basis with this sweet baby girl to be, and since I am only at 35 weeks and need to keep sweet said baby girl in for at least one more week, I decided to pack up and take the kids for a visit to Poppy + Nana's. The kids were thrilled for the time with them while this Mama sure appreciated the break.  Every time I'd get up off the couch either my Mom or Dad would suggest that I sit down and rest. Thank you both, and my was it amazing to just nap whenever and for however long I wanted too the last couple days. We spent a fun day at the beach and were able to get in a visit with some very dear friends who we haven't seen for a very too long time. And Poppy made us banana splits and his famous french toast. And Nana fed us her amazing summer garden veggies. And I was able to read, almost an entire book in two days..and I loved the conversation I had with my Mom in the kitchen about the book and about food and how it is tied to some of our fondest + oldest memories. And then last night, when the contractions hit hard again, I sipped down my ( prescribed ) glass of wine over the latest version of Jane Eyre , while my parents took all three of my kids to the park. Sound dreamy? It was. Until they came home with one hysterical and hurt 6 year old girl. She fell off the top of the slide, on to her head. She broke her fall with her wrist. She also, after today's x-ray showed, broke two bones in her wrist. She was incredibly brave about the whole thing. She is tough, doesn't cry easily and it was obviously very painful. The first thing she told me when they'd gotten her home was that she was so sorry that she wasn't going to be able to help Jack buckle into his car seat, bless her dear little heart.  My Mom and I both had a gut feeling it was broken so weren't all that surprised by the verdict this afternoon at the doctors office. Her cast goes on Monday. It's going to be hot pink. She's super excited about that.

( here she is the poor, pitiful dear just fallen asleep after her fall, thank you Jesus for Tylenol! )

  And then between Thursday and Monday's visit to our Dr. there was Friday's. The first words out of  Dr. Morgan's mouth when he walked in the room the following afternoon were..." Yesterday was not a good day for you, was it? "
  Just after we'd gotten home to David with our x-ray picture proof of A's broken wrist, we were happily cleaning out the van together, so thankful to be together as a family once again, when out of the blue and for no obvious reason we had the scare of our lives with Lucy. She started to fuss and we thought she was going to throw up when she went into what we now believe may have been a non febrile seizure. Including, complete loss of color, as her eyes rolled back in her head, and she was taking only really shallow breaths, and not responding, as she went completely limp and lethargic in my arms. I would like to say that I kept my composure in those excruciatingly long minutes but that would be a lie. I lost it right then and there and quite literally cried out to Jesus in desperation to please help my baby, save my baby, to not take my baby. And thank God that David was there. David called 911. Those 7 minutes felt like an eternity. By the time the ambulance pulled up to our house, she was starting to regain her color and was beginning to respond again. When they checked, her vitals were all perfect. And it was over as quickly as it came. I felt like I'd been holding my own breath the whole time it seemed she was holding hers. The EMT's were so nice and didn't even look at us like we were completely nuts, as I rocked in my arms our once again perfectly healthy toddler in my arms. And later sobbed in relief that it was over and she is fine. Because thanks be to God, she hasn't skipped a beat since then. Our Dr. said that hopefully this was a completely isolated, once in a lifetime incident for her. And as long as it never happens again, he didn't feel the need to do any further testing.  I have relived those terrifying minutes so many times in the past few days. And I cannot stop thanking Jesus tonight for the indescribably beautiful life of my little Lucy Wren girl. She is such a gift to all us. It  brings me such joy to get to be her Mama . She truly lights up our world, just like her name means...She's sunshine on a cloudy day and as the song that we sing to her and call "her song" and that she love to hum back to us says...      
Look at all the angels watching you
They’re singing songs that we have never heard
Their voices ring like bells over the mountains
Oh, if only we could hear their words
God is near, little girl.

Your eyes are brilliant,deep sky blue.
Your quiet wisdom is an evening song.
The angels must be breathless at your beauty
Like the world catches its breath before the dawn.
God is near, little one.

And Jesus bends to hear you breathe;
His tender hands are holding you tonight.
His heart is ravished when you look at Him,
and oh, the endless mercy in His eyes;
God is here, little light.

Little Light, by Audrey Assad

Oh for a heart to savor every day, especially the brutally hard ones.
Oh for a heart that trusts and is surrendered.
Oh for the patience to be the tender Mama that I know I am called to be.
Oh for the eyes to see, and too not take for granted the gift of these days, and the almost four treasures that I call my own.